Divine Providence

On Thursday I finally got the long awaited call from NET (National Evangelization Team in Australia). For 3 weeks I have carried my mobile with me, jumped anytime the home phone rang and nervously watched the computer screen as my emails downloaded; but alas the call came. I was at work that night and my phone vibrated and showed a message from a close, holy friend of mine. The message simply stated: I GOT INTO NET ... take special note of the very large capital letters. At that same moment my phone started to ring, incoming call from +61... (+61 being an Australian number) At last the long hours of carrying my phone with me 24/7, jumping when the home phone rings and anxiously watching my emails download are over! I rushed out of the view of customers to answer my phone. The caller was the same women who had conducted my NET interview, an awesome and creative women who has also had the privilege of attending NET for 3 years and is now an important part in the running of the whole program. She started talking to me all very nice and well, I was being polite back and asking her how I was. On the outside I was all calm, cool and collected whilst on the inside I was a screaming, crumbling mess. "STOP WITH THE NICE TALK I JUST WANT TO KNOW!" Here goes, "Katrina, I wanted you to know that..." beep beep beep ...in all the years that I have had a phone I have never wanted to destroy one more in my life, any other time for my phone to break a call, just not now. I stood looking at my phone, tears welling up in my eyes. Fortunately they rang back and gave me the news that I have wanted to hear for the past, slow 3 weeks. " ... we would love to have you join us on the NET team next year." 

I also will be travelling with my two best friends to Australia for the best year of my life where I get to share the joy and love that the Lord Jesus Christ has for every single person. I am looking forward to this opportunity so much that not even the thought of having to raise $7000 for not only me but four other people as well. Most dioceses in New Zealand don't send a single youth to NET but five from one parish! All together we will be raising $35000 for all five of us to go. My Parish Priest gave an awesome homily today on Divine Providence and how it can change lives where it is unexpected. Generosity is the main theme running through Divine Providence and something that with be given back not only one hundredfold here on earth but also in our heavenly home. A simpler way to put Divine Providence ... 'God's will, God's bill.' I hoping that this is the case, with the five young men and women giving a year of their lives to the spreading of the word of God, that all funds needed to get us there and support us through the year will be found. Divine Providence comes in all shapes, sizes and unexpected places.

God gave Himself to you: give yourself to God. -- Blessed Robert Southwell

Sin is Inhumane

I had the privileged last year to listen to an amazing speaker. A speaker who goes by the name Father Dave Pivonka. Father Dave is a Franciscan Priest who came over for the first ever Hamilton Diocese Set Free Youth Conference, from America. He also said a series of 3 speeches at my parish, one of which I was able to attend. He spoke about his journey on the Way of Saint James, a 800km walk from southern France all the way through Spain to Santiago. I was on my parish website and I saw that the talks had been recorded and available to listen to. So, Naturally I listened to it again...

The talk seemed to sink in with me more this time, then the first time I heard it. He spoke about his suffering throughout his time on the journey. He mentioned his 'stupid prayer' that he made. "Jesus, do what ever you want, to draw me closer to you." A very strong prayer to say, a prayer that you say with your whole heart, a prayer that you say when you really mean it. His suffering gradually got worse as his journey went on. He spoke about how all your suffering is for the King, for the Lord, Jesus Christ. One thing that really stuck out to me was, him relating a relatively small thing to something that it is rather significant in our lives: Confession. During the night time he had to wash his clothes, he noticed the difference between how men wash their clothes and women washing clothes. Men just rinse them off with a bit of soap, just to stop them smelling; he just didn't want to smell; women on the other hand, rinsed, soaped and rinsed their clothes again and then do the whole process again; they wanted their clothes clean. We go into confession just not wanting to smell anymore, to go in to the tiny room and have a wash and leave. We should go into confession wanting to be sparkling clean again, clean like the clothes of the women on the St James walk. We don't necessarily go to confession to be clean, to be changed, we go to stop stinking. This really hit me. Do I go to confession to become pure again? No I go to stop stinking, it's not a bad thing but we should go to confession with the heart to change and to say, "Bless me Father, I think I broke the heart of God" God wants us to be cleaned, to be purified to be changed. Sin isn't because we are human, sin dehumanizes us, it's INHUMANE ... we should go to confession to lay out our brokenness and become clean. I just hope that from now on I can go in to confession, not just because I don't like the way I smell, but to become clean again... purified.

Missing Pieces ...

I've previously written about my intentions to live with the beautiful silence around me, and I have kept to that; but the silence has shown me what is most important in my life. Over the past few days I have come to the realization that my family is what makes my day and who I have become. So my parents and I may have little argument of venial things like emptying the dishwasher and bringing the washing in, but lately I have come to know the value of my parents. It's strange coming home to an empty house, and the difference of having 2 people missing from, the house seems colder. I have learnt to appreciate what my parents have done and what they will do for me in the future. I love that they are currently celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary. Its surprising what I  miss most about my parents, the most amazing hugs from my Mum; Dad asking me if I have won anything, even though most things aren't a competition to win; Mum and Dad having their little debates over who has their feet on the couch. It's the little things that I miss the most about my Mum and Dad. I can't wait for their safe return home.

Peace and Love

Lately I have found peace and stillness a great thing. Being in my last year of school I still live with my parents. They are the best parents anybody can ask for: caring, loving, even the nagging of my mum is a beautiful thing as she pushes me to do my studying. They are currently away on holiday celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary, and I have been left in charge of the house, cat, washing and food shopping; I even have a certain obligation to look after the stinky cows. At first I hated coming home to a silent house and not being able to listen out for Dad's roaring chainsaw somewhere deep on the land, or coming home to the smell of Mum's cooking, I have, shockingly, discovered my love for coming home to an empty house to do as I please. Over the 3 weeks that my parents are away I have decided to live in silence, and it's truly beautiful. Okay, so I watch the odd hour of tv every night, but I no longer listen to the radio 24/7. I expected that, during my parents departure, I would live in a messy house, with dirty laundry piling up around me, and takeaways for dinner; but I have taken the opportunity to live in silence, I have kept up with the house work and even done a lot of studying; why it was only last night that I spent 4 hours sat at the dinning room table to carefully study every word of my biology book.

I have always been told that God is found in the silence of your heart, that He can truly be present with you in beautiful silence; I have always thought that this is some beautiful ideal that Nuns and Monks can only achieve through hours of meditation, but I have found it: in my own home. I was always scared of the silence, scared that I may hear something that I don't want to hear, scared that 'something' may get me. It's not true, silence amplifies God's infinite beauty. Silence for your thoughts to flow without restraint, and to concentrate on the creation around you that you so easily miss with noise and distraction surrounding you. Sitting outside the other day, I heard a Tui, the sound of it's croaky cackle turning into the divine song that can't be explained; the sound gave me joy and happiness to hear as it reminds me that Summer is slowly on its way. But the best part of silence is just being present with God, just to spend time with Him in the depth of your heart, to just ... be.


"There is something beyond our mind which abides in silence It is the supreme mystery beyond thought. Let one's mind and one's subtle body rest upon that, and not rest upon anything else.God is sound and silence Attain therefore contemplation,contemplation in silence on Him."